


Introspection

by QwanHei



Category: Bleach
Genre: Fluff, Forgiveness, Gen, Inner Dialogue, Introspection, Platonic Cuddling, Post TYBW, Post-Canon, Probably ooc, Self-Acceptance, Self-Indulgent, Shiro has long hair because I can, like...tooth-rotting fluff, not really shippy but there's a kiss, they finally have that long due conversation, they needed it okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28935285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QwanHei/pseuds/QwanHei
Summary: The War has ended, but Ichigo has some unfinished business.It was a long needed conversation they had to have, for their sake.
Relationships: Hollow Ichigo | Zangetsu & Kurosaki Ichigo, Hollow Ichigo | Zangetsu/Kurosaki Ichigo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 58





	Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> A certain someone (you'll recognize yourself) brought back my writing drive from the ashes, so here we are  
> This is totally self-indulgent -I was so frustrated that Ichigo never had some sort of reconciliation with his Hollow in canon (okay there's the Asauchi part but I feel like it's not enough) that I've decided to write it myself  
> This is probably ooc and I basically dumped a whole bunch of headcanons in, please bear with me :)
> 
> Also, english is not my first language and this is not beta'd so there's probably some mistakes here and there  
> That said, enjoy your read <3

Taking a dive in his inner world was becoming easier since Yhwach's fall. Probably because Ichigo finally accepted his hybrid nature and the two spirits sharing his powers.

Opening his eyes, he was met with the familiar view of sideways skyscrapers and blinding blue sky, streaked with some clouds. Seeing everything ninety degrees clockwise was always strange to him, but he was slowly becoming accustomed to the weirdness of his own headspace.

Looking further down, he could see the small reflection of Karakura, encased in soft dunes of white sand, speckled with some rocks, crystal trees and bushes. Hueco Mundo desert, exactly as he remembered it, but brighter due to the midday sun. This new landscape was still a bit unusual, the result of the evolution of his powers due to the recent war, and his acceptance of his Hollow part.

Speaking of the devil, and as usual, the young Shinigami didn't had to search for long before finding Zangetsu -the true Zangetsu, in his white kimono and pale long hair reflecting the sun, massive Hollow horns on each side of his forehead. Of course, he was waiting for him. He was always the first to come to him each time he dived in.

- _Yo, King. You came to fight, or just to talk ?_

Facing his own bleached reflection was odd as always. Staring in golden eyes, Ichigo took a deep breath. He needed to say this. It was a long needed conversation they had to have, for their sake. Ichigo felt bad enough for not aknowledging him -and even fearing him- for such a long time, even thought the Hollow saved his neck more times than he could remember.

He took a step forward.

-Zangetsu, I'm so...

- _Shiro_ , interrupted the white Hollow.

Ichigo blinked, confused :

-Huh ? But that's not your name ?

Scratching one of his long horns, his other half growled a bit :

- _You gave it to me. You named me, King. It's mine because YOU gave it to me_ , he pointed, insistent, possessive. _So call me Shiro._

Ichigo felt a strange warmth spread in his chest. He didn't deserved the amount of reverence he could hear in his Hollow's -in Shiro's voice. He pushed him down so much, never trusted him until he reappeared as his Asauchi, it wasn't fair his Hollow half didn't even seemed to resent him for this.

- _Stop that, King. I can hear you overthinking it's pissing me off_ , growled Zangestu with a disgusted frown. _Why the long face ? You look dumb._

So much for the sudden softness, thought Ichigo while rolling his eyes. His white counterpart was always so eager to insult him -even if it didn't held any bite, the tone almost fond and warm, Zangetsu's strange eyes glinting with something close to tenderness. He never saw him with such a peaceful expression. Without his usual sneer, the Hollow looked so much younger.

-Listen, Zan-- Shiro, Ichigo hastely corrected himself, smiling faintly when the Hollow clearly preened with pride.

He really liked that name, huh. It was almost cute -if you left aside the fact that it was still a borderline murderous Hollow with anger management issues. They'll probably have to work on it later. And fail at it.

-I...really need to say this. I'm sorry.

Unblinking golden eyes met his, waiting. Scratching his neck, Ichigo sighed :

-I'm...really sorry. For tossing you aside and ignoring you for so long. It's wasn't fair...nah, let's face it, it was cruel. Even if you roughed me up a lot, you were always there to save my skin and, well... I should have recognized you sooner...

- _You hadn't that much of a choice, King, and me neither. That asshole Quincy shoved me down for your “safety”_ , Shiro shrugged, lips pulled in a disgusted snarl.

Ichigo shaked his head.

-I can't blame the old man for my own stupidity -my egoism. I didn't want anything to do with you, I was...afraid, he admitted, eyes downcast.

Silently, he sitted down on the glass floor, smiling a bit when the Hollow did the same, their knees almost touching and long white hair spreading in silken waves between them.

- _Why were you so afraid of me ?_ , asked his Zanpakuto quietly. _I know it's not because I threatened to replace you, you already knew deep down I'll never do that. No much use of a crown for a horse like me._

-I believed it, for a while, admitted Ichigo. That you would take my place if I wasn't strong enough. Now I know it was only because you wanted to push me to become stronger.

- _Took you long enough_ , grumbled his white self with a fond huff.

-Hey, give me a break, I was a lost teenager attacked by a white murder version of myself, what did you expect ?!

Shiro laughed so hard his fangs gleamed in the sunlight, the sound roaring and bouncing between the skyscrapers. They had the same dimples, Ichigo realized. Looking a bit closer, he even noticed clumps of faint blue spots on his cheeks and nose, mirroring his own freckles.

They really were the same, huh.

- _Why are you looking at me like this, King, do I have something between my teeths ?_ , joked Shiro, clearly amused by Ichigo's intense stare.

The young Shinigami shook his head, leaning back a little :

-Nah, it's just that... I never realized you looked so much like me.

- _Took you that long to see I got the same face as yours ?_ , snorted the Hollow, mocking. _Wow you're dense._

-Shut up, asshole.

Ichigo stuck his tongue at his Hollow, the childish act getting him another round of distorted laugh that warmed him inside. He didn't knew it would feel so good to hear his other half laugh so freely and happily -he was more used to the mad cackles.

He jumped a little when Shiro flopped down head first on his lap, luckily avoiding to stab him with his sharp horns, startling him. Not used to that much of contact between them, at least not without taking a sword to the guts or a fist in the jaw, he looked down curiously to the strangely relaxed spirit.

- _Don't jump out of your skin, King_ , rumbled Zangetsu. _Not gonna stab you, we're not fighting._

-Am I that transparent ?

- _Yes._

The Hollow gave him a flat look at his indignant squawk, clearly unimpressed by his handler's antics, then proceeded to _melt_ into his lap like a boneless cat. If he started purring, Ichigo wouldn't even be surprised.

-Uh... Shiro ? You okay there ?

- _You're warm_ , mumbled the spirit, eyes half-closed in pure bliss.

-Fuck you're cold, hissed Ichigo when he touched his Zanpakuto's shoulder. What the hell ?

- _I'm a lizard, King, remember ?_

Eyeing the massive horns and strange golden eyes on black sclera, Ichigo lifted a brow :

-A lizard...right.

- _Don't be so damn picky, do I have to stick to walls and grow a tail to convince you ?_ , growled his counterpart with a displeased sneer.

Ichigo actually laughed at that, the mental image too hilarious to try and keep a straight face. Hearing Shiro snort softly, he looked at him again. The whole situation was so odd. He never thought one day he would be here with a lap full of a bleached reflection of himself, laughing with him without one of them trying to gut the other. This was so strange, yet it felt so _right_. Some warm feeling bubbling in his chest, like when he cuddled with his sisters.

-I'm really sorry, Shiro... I'm sorry for only seeing you as a monster...and treating you like one, murmured softly the hybrid.

- _Did nothing to make you think otherwise, King, don't beat yourself on it_ , sighed the Hollow. _That's why you're making that dumb face ? Because you think I resent you or some shit ?_

-Why, you don't ?

Zangetsu straightened up at that, his face mere inches from Ichigo's. He didn't even looked pissed, just...confused. Ichigo didn't even thought to reel back, enraptured by the specks of melted gold and copper he could see in his eyes -why did he never realized that the eyes he feared so much in the past were so pretty ? It was like looking in dragon's eyes, at least he thought it would be like that.

- _I don't get you sometimes, King. Why in the fresh hell would I resent you for some shit I made ? I wanted to make you afraid, to kick some goddamn sense in your brain and make you FIGHT. If you stayed that weak, you would have died_ , he frowned. _And I can't allow that._

-I know...

- _So why are you beating yourself up for shit you're not responsible of ?! You're stupid or what ?_ , snarled Shiro. Angry, confused.

Ichigo laughed a little, softly, pushing back his white other self a little, palm resting just under the hole punched under the hollow of his throat. Slow heartbeats vibrated under his touch, thrumming under smooth and cold skin.

-Call it me being a dumb human. I just...I know I haven't been treating you good, and I hate it. Even if you knowingly played monster under the bed to keep me going forward, it's unfair I never took the time to reach out to you and try to know you. I've been cruel to you, trying to muzzle you and keep you down like...like you didn't deserve to exist, he smiled sadly. More than an aspect of my powers, you're part of me, Shiro. Just like the old man. You deserve better than my kicks and my fear. And I... I want to know you. To accept you. I know it won't fix anything I did -or I never did...but I want us to start better.

Golden eyes bore deeply into his, the intense stare almost making him want to bow his head. Slowly, a hand too cold to belong to a regular human and as smooth as polished marble because of the _Hierro_ came to rest on his own, still pressed on Shiro's chest, black claws prickling a little his fragile skin.

- _There's nothing to fix, King_ , he started slowly. _I never resented you, I got what I deserved for acting like a nasty shit -and I'm not gonna apologize for it. I already told you, the only thing I want to protect is you. The only one I bow down to is you_ , his tone turned soft, reverent, as he slowly bowed his head to bare his nape at him, the trusting gesture punching Ichigo's breath out. _You're my King, Ichigo...as long as you'll need me, I'll be there. No shitty Quincy to keep me down this time. You're mine as much as I am yours, and he has no say in it._

The last words were adamant, cold and hissed between fangs. Shiro seemed to still hold a grudge against the old man who tried to crush him. The possessive clench on his hand made Ichigo shiver, knowing the Hollow was dead serious and _would_ start a war if anyone tried to force him back again. Raising his free hand, the substitute Shinigami touched lightly his counterpart's cheek :

-He said he wouldn't do it again, Shiro. Relax. He knows he was wrong.

- _He better !_ , snarled Zangetsu, frowning. _Without me, you'd be dead !_

-I know... Thank you.

The soft whisper made Shiro whip his head up, strange eyes slightly widened and a soft veil of blue raising on his cheeks -his Hollow equivalent of a blush, Ichigo guessed.

- _It's the first time you've thanked me..._ , mumbled his white reflection, seeming a bit stunned.

-Took me long enough, I know, snorted gently the young Shinigami before extending his hand to Zangetsu. Let's start over better ?

The white Hollow smiled slowly and Ichigo yelped when he got yanked forward by his hand, his lips smashing against Shiro's for a hungry kiss he didn't expected _at all_. He was sure it would bruise tomorrow -it was like kissing a marble statue.

His Zanpakuto spirit leaned back a little, a wide and feral grin splitting his face, dripping in so much satisfaction Ichigo felt his cheeks burn madly :

- _Yeah...let's start over better, my King._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3


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